Coriolanus, Act III, scene iii

Previously, on Coriolanus…

– Coriolanus and his allies sought shelter from the ire of the rabble at Coriolanus’ house.
– There, they found Coriolanus’ mom, who read him the riot act.
– Coriolanus was like GEEZ MOM FINE I’LL GO TELL THE PLEBES I’M SORRY

…and now, the thrilling continuation!

—

CORIOLANUS

ACT III
scene iii

We return now to the Forum in Rome. Sicinius and Brutus are going over some final preparations for the trial before Coriolanus arrives. Brutus wants to make sure they point out how “the spoil got on the Antiates was ne’er distributed“, among other things. Again, all of their complaints sound super legit. We are supposed to sympathize with Coriolanus because why?

Anyway, Sicinius and Brutus confer with an Aedile. (Still no idea what an Aedile is––some kind of minor official, presumably, given that they appear to have rights and duties but still take orders from Tribunes.) Sicinius plans to have the Aedile tell the crowd to echo all the accusations he throws at Coriolanus. This will make a big noise that means victory for some reason. Perhaps justice is determined by an Applause-O-Meter. Rome is confusing.

The Aedile goes off to carry out these orders, and Brutus drops a truth-bomb on the audience.

BRUTUS
Put [Coriolanus] to choler straight: he hath been used
Ever to conquer, and to have his worth
Of contradiction: being once chafed, he cannot
Be rein’d again to temperance; then he speaks
What’s in his heart; and that is there which looks
With us to break his neck.

tl;dr –– Coriolanus has spent his entire life as a soldier, which means he’s been taught to always confront adversity head-on. At this point, trying to murder everyone who comes at him is pure instinct. Brutus and Sicinius plan to use it against him.

This would make Coriolanus look super noble and tragic if we didn’t already have ample evidence showing him as a complete douchebag who wants to put an end to democracy via a murder vortex with him at the center.

Anyway, in comes Coriolanus, along with Menenius, Cominius, and some Senators and Patricians. Gang’s all here, let’s party.

Menenius and Coriolanus are apparently in mid-conversation as they enter, with Menenius still begging Coriolanus to use his inside voice and nice words when he addresses the plebeians. Coriolanus promises to be calm. He also makes a comparison between himself and a beggar who will put up with any insult so long as he gets even a tiny coin out of the bargain. Something tells me this promise doesn’t have much lasting power.

Coriolanus breaks away from this conversation to give a generic, pretty-sounding wish for peace in Rome, which gains the approval of his gathered allies and proves he can make nice word-sounds if he really, really tries. Then the Aedile comes back, with Citizens. Said Citizens are apparently rowdy, as the Aedile, Coriolanus, and the Tribunes all have to ask them to shut up so Coriolanus can get a word in.

CORIOLANUS: So, just to check in for a bit here, this trial is my absolute last chance and whatever sentence is handed down today is totally final?
SICINIUS: Yup. You cool with that?
CORIOLANUS: I’m cool.
MENENIUS: See how cool he is, Citizens? See!? Isn’t that great? What a swell guy. Check out all his wounds. Whoa. So gory.
CORIOLANUS: Dude they’re not that bad.
MENENIUS: Ignore him! Whenever he says something douchey, remember that he’s a soldier. They all talk like that. It’s a thing. Nothing personal.
COMINIUS: That’s nice, Menenius, but it’s Coriolanus’ turn to talk now.
CORIOLANUS: So, fifteen minutes ago y’all made me consul. Now you want me stripped of that. Why?
SICINIUS: Because you’re planning to eliminate democracy and set yourself up as a tyrannical dictator. Which means you’re a traitor.
CORIOLANUS: TRAITOR!?
MENENIUS: Coriolanus remember what we said about the shouting––
CORIOLANUS: LITERALLY EVERYONE IN ROME CAN GO THE FUCK TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE! “TRAITOR”!? YOU PIECE OF SHIT TRIBUNE! YOU LYING, TWO-FACED, SCHEMING, BACKHANDED––
SICINIUS: You hearin’ all this, plebes?
CITIZENS: Kill him! Kill him dead!
SICINIUS: Shh, shh, it’s okay. Your nice tribunes will make the bad man go away. You’re absolutely right, he deserves to die.
BRUTUS: However, since he’s served Rome––
CORIOLANUS: The fuck do you know about serving Rome?
BRUTUS: Rather a lot, actually.
CORIOLANUS: OH, DO YOU, NOW!?
MENENIUS: Coriolanus remember what your mom said––
COMINIUS: Please remember––
CORIOLANUS: I REMEMBER FUCK-ALL. GO AHEAD! SENTENCE ME TO DEATH! MAKE ME AN EXILE! THROW ME IN JAIL TO STARVE! I DON’T EVEN CARE ANYMORE! I’M DONE PLAYING NICE WITH THESE PEOPLE! THEY DON’T DESERVE THE TIME OF DAY FROM ME!
SICINIUS: Well, you won’t have to worry about execution anymore because we’re exiling you from Rome forever as of right now. Bye-bye.
CITIZENS: Woohoo, banishment!
COMINIUS: Hang on a minute––
SICINIUS: Nope we’re done here.
COMINIUS: Dude let me finish. I’ve been a consul and a soldier, so you know I love Rome a whole bunch.
SICINIUS: What’s your point?
BRUTUS: He doesn’t have one. Coriolanus is banished, end of story.
CITIZENS: Huzzah, banishment!

At this point Coriolanus breaks down and gives us yet another Tumblr quote:

CORIOLANUS
You common cry of curs! whose breath I hate
As reek o’ the rotten fens, whose loves I prize
As the dead carcasses of unburied men
That do corrupt my air, I banish you;
And here remain with your uncertainty!
Let every feeble rumour shake your hearts!
Your enemies, with nodding of their plumes,
Fan you into despair! Have the power still
To banish your defenders; till at length
Your ignorance, which finds not till it feels,
Making not reservation of yourselves,
Still your own foes, deliver you as most
Abated captives to some nation
That won you without blows! Despising,
For you, the city, thus I turn my back:
There is a world elsewhere.

There are two ways to take this––probably a lot more than two, but for now, two:

1) Coriolanus has fought for Rome pretty much since he was old enough to swing a sword. He’s personally responsible for at least one of Rome’s victories (the one he’s named for) and has been wounded, according to his mother and his fan club president, no fewer than 27 times. Despite this, the people of Rome refuse to listen to a word he says, and banish him. (Granted, he’s said some stupid shit that lead to him getting banished, but he hasn’t actually done anything. It’s a bit like if you could face a murder charge for saying you wish your boss would drop dead.) How must he feel, getting chucked out of Rome, the city he’s fought and killed and nearly died for time and time again, by Rome’s own populace? What kind of welcome home is that for a war hero?

2) He literally just said, “I’m not banished, you’re banished!”

Oh Coriolanus, you perfect idiot.

His speech given, Coriolanus peaces out. The Aedile and Citizens cheer his absence. Sicinius tells the Citizens to follow Coriolanus to the gate of the city and give him what-for. The Citizens think this is a great plan and rush off to follow it, shouting praise for their beloved Tribunes. End Act III.